I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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