I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
