i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
