Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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