After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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