I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
