I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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