Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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