My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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