Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
