and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
