speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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