you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize