I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize