I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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