Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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