I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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