This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
