So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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