If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
