ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
