i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize