My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
