At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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