The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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