On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
