Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
