We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
