She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
