Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Semen is not good for contacts.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
