We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
