Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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