just come out here and I will go home with you...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
