I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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