Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
