it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Randomize
