Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
