I'm lost and stupid without you.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
