Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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