i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
