Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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