There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
