Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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