Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
