I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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