K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
