why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
