But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
