how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
hell yes lets make some ravioli
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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