I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Who died my cat blue again?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
