I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
