I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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