Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
