i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
