also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
