dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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