Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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