My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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