you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
