He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
