1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Life without a bra equals bliss.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
