evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
