Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
