My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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