I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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