you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
